Saturday, March 6, 2010
Listen to the Thunder
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Last Nickle
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins, so starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the nickels, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
'No,' the woman replied. 'I'm with the IRS.'
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins, so starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the nickels, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
'No,' the woman replied. 'I'm with the IRS.'
Thoughts To Ponder
Thoughts To Ponder
==============
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack, anyway?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts, 'and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Think about it.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's' ?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
==============
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack, anyway?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts, 'and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Think about it.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's' ?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
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